What’s the attraction of traditional gender ideals and why do they never live up to expectations? — Author’s note: I’m going to talk about heterosexual roles and attraction here because discussing queer/homo/asexual/aromantic/transgender dynamics in every paragraph will send me up the wall and through the ceiling. LGBTQ+ relationships exist and are valid, beautiful, and worthy etc. I met the most masculine, brilliant man. Something I craved in the most primal flutters of my feminine heart. Intelligent, well-educated, powerful, wise, patient, strong and passionately determined, I was swept off my feet. This man had me in a way no one ever had: instantaneously. It wasn’t just physical: I felt incredibly safe with him. Secure. Wanted. For the first time since my heart had been broken a year before, I felt as though I could exhale. As a feminist, this wasn’t, and isn’t, easy to admit, but in him, I had found what I dreamt was possible in a man: safety.

A fair exchange is no robbery. If you know the dealer — There should have been something romantic about the heady swell of grasses at the top of Greenwich hill in late June, but the boredom was stifling. The boy sat opposite her, staring fixedly at his book in a manner he probably imagined was admirable. Why he’d brought her, apart from…

Samuel Loveday and the strange death of Eupham Naycroft — The mist gripped at the lowlands and slumbered across the fens. There was nothing here, nothing but the edges of reeds and the shutter of smoke and the snap of the branches. Here, in late November, the sea swept up high and the only way from Gremen Fen to Lewyck…

Are you being ‘misunderstood’ a lot? Here’s some tips — I’ll avoid waving my arms and proclaiming the importance of syntax, semantics, and code switching like a deranged English teacher and just get straight to it: we are now at a point where most of us communicate primarily through reading and writing. This means that tone and context are largely a matter of interpretation. And that means falling out over pointless, stupid grammar issues. Here’s what I’ve noticed about communication errors and what to do. Looking directly at you, parents in the Whatsapp group.

Some things are massive turn offs. But why? — Have you ever fallen completely, utterly and permanently out of love- or lust- with someone? Not a slow creeping realisation that she or he isn’t right for you, but that sudden, total thudding bump back to reality? That, older friends, is what my generation calls ‘the ick’. …

Triggers don’t make sense. Don’t expect them to — Years ago, while I was at university, I was raped. I’ve already written and spoken about it at length, and to be brutal, I don’t think my rape was even slightly unusual among the experiences of my peers. In some weird way, I feel lucky. Mine wasn’t that bad. But it was still many years before I was okay with being around men. Until it wasn’t terrifying to be in an elevator or accidentally touched by one of them. But I’ve still got one massive trigger that sends me back to being 18 and feeling his body on top of me.

Wishing you hadn’t flipped out? Unpack why — You’re with someone new and they’re great. You’re both happy. And then they do something that provokes pain, anger, or fear in you and you over-react, say something unkind, or even end it all together. When you’ve cooled off, you realise you’ve damaged your relationship. The question is, why? First of all: there’s three ways we maladaptively respond to protect ourselves from experiencing threats and negative emotions.

Short story, 1903 — Mr. Teuling was not attractive. That part was absolutely true. Meticulously frugal with both words and capital, he was the sort of person who sorted cents into separate parts of his wallet and wrote yours sincerely on notes to his wife. There was a shortness to him in every sense…