Can ‘slow burn’ actually work?

An analysis, from your unlikely columnist

Sometimes, you don’t fall for someone immediately. Maybe they aren’t conventionally attractive, particularly aware of you, or not really someone you would typically go for. Maybe they are with someone else, or you’re with someone else. Maybe you’re not over someone else, or they aren’t. Then, for whatever reason, that changes. Feelings happen. Attraction begins. But it isn’t super intense. It’s faint. Embers, a spark. Not the heady intense desire of youth. Can that work? Can that grow into something more? Can it actually become significant?

I’ve definitely made the mistake, as I’m sure many people do, of ‘just giving it a go’ when I probably shouldn’t have. You don’t need to tell me it’s a bad idea to date someone who is newly divorced from their wife. You don’t need to tell me it’s a bad idea to date someone I’m not physically attracted to, or someone I get bored talking to. You don’t need to tell me it’s a bad idea to date someone who sets my drama radar off. I get it. But sometimes, it’s tempting to just put all that in a box and try. Write off your hesitations as cynicism or needlessly high standards. Certainly after my partner cheated and left me unexpectedly a few years ago, somewhere in my heart grew walls. I’ve lost that total innocence and eagerness and willingness to love openly: I’m…