Compliments in the Workplace: a feminist’s guide, gentlemen

What is okay, what is creepy, and what is an HR penalty?

“If in doubt,” my beloved father would always tell me, “Shut the hell up.” This is a good mantra for a lot of things, whether talking to the police about the unfortunate incident with the alligator, or talking to your ex boyfriend about what really happened to his old jacket. Silence is much easier to take back than a totally avoidable insult, false alibi, or social faux pas. So shall we start there, beloved comrades of the trousered variety? If you think it might be inappropriate, shut the hell up. Not sure what is inappropriate? As your self appointed HR Dictator, let’s run through four brilliantly wise lessons.

If it sounds sexual, don’t go anywhere near it at work

Lesson 1: Things, not parts

It’s absolutely fine to compliment my things, with the obvious caveat for underwear, stockings, and tampons. You like my floral dress! Awesome, thanks Mark. You like my shiny red shoes? Fab, appreciate that Steve. You like my purse with the frogs embroidered on it? My cobalt blue eyeshadow with glitter? You’re a darling, Pablo. You’re appreciating my choices and my taste. It’s nice. It’s humanising. Friendly. No one sane is going to go to HR and complain that you said “Hey Karen, great coat, that colour really suits you’.