Dear Aunt Madelaine, how often should I be wanting sex?

I’m worried I’m a nymphomaniac…my boyfriend can’t take it

Image for post
Image for post
Sure honey, you play FIFA

Dear Madelaine,

I’m way too embarassed to discuss this with my friends or family but I’m at breaking point. I’ve been in a relationship for two years and my partner stopped wanting sex with me about four months ago. He’s great in so many other ways but it breaks me knowing he doesn’t want me. He says I have a very high libido: I want sex two or three times every week, and that he just hasn’t got the energy for it. I’ve tried wearing lingerie and being more attentive in the bedroom but he still isn’t interested. I’m worried I’m a nymphomanic or something.

Please help.

Anne Nonymous

Dearest Anne,

Let me tell you a funny story. Well it’s sort of funny, and very tragic. When I was eighteen (long time ago now) I had a boyfriend I was completely besotted with. He was my first real boyfriend and in my head was the sexiest person on the planet. I, like you, very much enjoyed a physical relationship. Anyway, like your fella, he got a bit bored of me and I ended up sobbing at the top of the stairs, in a silk negligee and red lipstick, for him to finish The Guardian and come to bed. Never been so humiliated in my life.

So please don’t feel embarassed. Because, like me, you and many other women, sometimes our partners lose sexual interest in us. Maybe we just become routine, or the politics section of The Guardian is more enthralling than us in sexy lingerie, but it just happens.

2–3 times a week is perfectly normal for young women like us. In fact, I know some girls who like it every night (doesn’t that sound exhausting). You can’t make a guy like you sexually, and if you have become normal or unsexy to him there is nothing you can do really apart from suck it up and take a cold shower. Don’t shout at him or get upset: it really isn’t fair to blame someone for not wanting you physically.

You are fine, trust me. Talk to him calmly about your needs but don’t make any demands; that simply isn’t fair. If it really gets unbearable then end it and grab the nearest fuckboy possible. Or you could follow my 18yo example and just learn to distract yourself with books and politics (

But please don’t worry. Sexual attraction can be missed on something as small as a pheremone difference. He might well start liking you again with a little space and sleep.

All the best


Written by

24 year old with an awful lot to say about everything. Opinions entirely my own. Usually.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store