Dear Madelaine: How can I restart a friendship with a woman who has drifted from me?

Me attempting to answer people’s problems with varying levels of skill

Dear Madelaine

About two years ago, I was on a webcam site. I was bored, having a few drinks and really just wanted somebody to talk to. What happened was increasingly surprising for me. I met a very intelligent woman who at the time lived in Poland. We shared a drink over webcam, talked European & American politics; and our own personal lives. After our conversation was over, we mutually decided to become facebook friends and continue the friendship. Over the next two years we carried on the most intriguing interactions over Skype and Facebook.

The similarities were shocking, we both grew up in poverty — held similar convictions, and were at the time lost in a world of substance abuse. We would share our stories about chemical reactions to one another, trying to comprehend the world we’ve felt. The high point of our friendship was when we both agreed that we would meet. It was refreshing to know that she trusted me enough to say it, because I truly trusted her. Flash forward to 2 months ago, our last conversation we held. I asked for her mailing address, because I told her I wanted to write her — and she gave it to me.

She currently lives in Germany and is working there. I wrote the letter, packaged with a pack of cigarettes (she’s a smoker, and she mentioned wanting to try my brand). The thing is, we haven’t talked since that day & I never sent out the package because of this. I know that most men feel somewhat entitled to a woman’s attention. I have gotten the feeling that she has moved on to better things than talking to me. I understand that in any sort of relationship, romantic or otherwise; it takes two to tango.

And I don’t want to make her feel as though she even has to dance. If her own senses tell her to discontinue our friendship, who am I to try and force it? So my question is this, should I still consider sending the package? Would this be an inappropriate way to try and rekindle this friendship? I miss our conversations, and I miss her rationale. And I don’t feel that I can ever express how much she truly meant to me in just one letter. I just feel as though there is nothing I can do about this, am I right? Thank you for your time! Any response is appreciated and it takes weight off my chest.

Best wishes,

Andrew Nonymous

Dear Andrew,

Definitely message her. Sometimes it is easy to drift from a friend or even love interest without meaning to. Sometimes- I do this- I see a message but don’t respond to it because I’m busy, or are recieving a lot of them. Repeat this a couple of times and I look like I’m no longer interested in a friendship. If you have things in common and you believe she liked you, there is no harm in sending her a message. Obviously, like you say, don’t press it- you come across as creepy if you do- but a simple “Hey, haven’t spoken to you in a while, how are you?” should be fine.

Worst case scenario: she doesn’t reply

Best case scenario: you form a really good bond again.

Good luck!


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24 year old with an awful lot to say about everything. Opinions entirely my own. Usually.

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