Member-only story
Don’t Chase Me: why the ‘determined man’ is so unattractive in real life
Nothing is more annoying than a man who won’t hear no
I have this dream a lot, I have done ever since I was about three: a male monster is chasing me. He’s always male. Sometimes he’s an ISIS fighter, an incel attacker, a werewolf, a school shooter, a python, a Nazi, a Hamas bomber, a giant, a serial killer, a Taliban commander, or that guy who played Dracula in Young Dracula. Sometimes I’m in school, sometimes I’m in an office, sometimes I’m in Kabul. I’m always running and I’m hiding. I don’t want to die, I beg him not to hurt me. He doesn’t care. I always get shot, stabbed, or bitten, and I always keep running. Eventually, I turn around, and I realise he’s stopped chasing me. I seek him out.
He’s sad and despondent. “Why have you stopped chasing me?” I ask the monster. He doesn’t really know, but he’s lost interest and he’s annoyed with me. I feel very guilty for hurting him and run away from him, and try to befriend him. Then I wake up.
Before you rush to diagnose me with interextraanxious-interavoidant-detached-disordered attachment disorder, or accuse my parents of child neglect or letting me watch the news far too much, this is a very, very common dream, particularly for women.
