Every single sign that he’s using you: yes, all eleven of them

A joint effort by Leti and myself

Does he love you? If you’re unsure, you probably know the answer to that. So Leti and I have made the definitive list of how to tell if you’re his bit on the side. You’re welcome.

He keeps avoiding any serious commitment to you.

Okay, not always. But if he’s extremely wary of saying the big ‘I love you’ or ‘we’re dating' markers, he’s probably not that sure about you. Which is fine, maybe he’s just not there yet. But if he genuinely can’t say it back to you and that’s hurtful, he’s not the bloke for you. You don’t owe anyone a relationship on terms you are uncomfortable with, casual or not.

He finds increasingly weird reasons to not engage with you.

The mental Olympics he goes through as reasons not to see, speak or text you are somewhat of an impressive feat. He can’t talk to you because he’s worried it’ll get too intense. He doesn’t want to text you anymore because you er- need more sleep. Sorry baby, he’s bored and annoyed by you. Have some ice cream and a good cry. Happens to us all.

His phone is broken. Or out of charge. All the time.

Did his dog eat it this time, or did he leave it with Dave? You know he was online, don’t let him gaslight you. If he wanted some space, and genuinely cared, he’d say. Not pretend that it broke three weeks in a row.

He makes you the person who needs to fulfill his needs, with little care for your own.

You need to respect his space, but at the cost of your own needs. You need to appeal to his better nature. You need to send him nudes. You need to do what he wants. Your wants and wishes are secondary to his on all things. That’s as toxic as hell. Get out.

He wants you to be ‘patient’ and ‘take things slow'

Sometimes this is valid. But unless you’ve proposed after a month or started engraving his initials on your arm, this can be a classic symptom of “eh, this is kind of a sexual thing". Don’t get hurt.

He gets over you really, really fast.

Yeah, he wants you so much, he really misses you. He writes you love poetry and says he wants to marry you. But actually, yeah, he’s busy now. Actually all week. Maybe you should text less. Eh, he’s fine with you being away for six months. Cool, you’re leaving. All good. Ciao. And so on, he thinks, to easier, less maintenance conquests.

He’s got better things to do than reply to you or talk or listen.

Oh okay, you had an awful day at work and feel horrible and ill. But he’s got stuff to do in the house. And he’s busy that morning. And he doesn’t want to talk for a few days because he’s had a lot on. Once or twice is normal, but be wary if this becomes regular.

It’s his way or the highway.

Oh, you won’t send him that picture or restrict your engagement to ever decreasing time slots? Wow. You are so not worth the effort. He doesn’t mind losing you over your needs or a compromise because as usual, he comes first. Classic.

He isn’t at all bothered if you’re seeing other people and encourages it.

(Excluding polyamory) If he’s suddenly not at all bothered by you seeking emotional and physical engagement elsewhere, or worse, actively pushing you to because ‘he’s not around’ its normally not a good sign. It’s almost definitely mutual.

He’s dismissive when you call things off.

*blue tick blue tick* Cool okay

He only contacts you when he’s bored or alone.

Hey babe u up xox ;) x