Here’s what to do if ‘finding someone’ just isn’t working out

I’ve written this for women, because I’m a woman

Once upon a time, I got to a point where I felt like I’d been on a date with every nice, forty-something guy who worked in marketing or finance and lived in London. They were ok. We didn’t have a bad time. But conversation always tailed off after a few weeks, and it just wasn’t enough of a connection to warrant me pushing harder to reconnect. I’m sure they felt the same way about me: totally fine. Nothing wrong. But definitely not anything close to ‘the one’.

And this didn’t really bother me, for a few months, until the options started getting worse. Suddenly I was finding it harder and harder to find people who met my key preferences: they either lived way too far away, were very different to me in their interests and preferences, or had a lifestyle and goals I just couldn’t accept. I’m sure there is something of an algorithm issue there: but it seemed I’d got through the most compatible options and now I was having DJ Jake, 27, from Hull recommended to me. I’m sure DJ Jake is a lovely guy, but yeah, I definitely wasn’t going to match with him. Suddenly it hit me: what if this was it? What if I’d screwed up and now I was going to have to go out with DJ Jake or his weird flat earther uncle Dave?

It was then, I realised, I absolutely had to stop dating.