How to actually be more attractive: manly male edition

No, you really don’t need a six pack

Author’s Note: if you don’t want a lady’s personal opinion or you feel great already, awesome, proud of you. This is exclusively written for men who do want a bit of advice. Ladies; I’ll work on an article for you.

Comrades! I get it’s scary being told by Andrew Tate that you’ll never get a girlfriend unless you’re 6ft 4 with arms that could crush Atlas, but that’s honestly rubbish. I’ve loved men who were 5ft 6 and I’ve loved men who could probably save a lot of studio CGI money by playing an orc. It really is personality and charisma first, lifestyle and stability second, and by a far distant third, appearance. But if that third bit is holding you back, fear not, I’ve got some tips.

I’ve done this with subheadings because this is a long, long topic.

On The Issue Of Hair

• If you have thinning or receding hair, feel completely free to shave it off. I kid you not when I say some of the hottest, sexiest men I know are bald. I myself have gone head over heels, stupidly, recklessly in lust for a bald man. It says I’m a grown up, I’m strong, and I’m confident, and in control of myself. Yul Brynner vibes. Honestly, the idea that you’re less attractive for not having hair is a pretty man on man thing: loads of my friends are married to or dating bald men and think they’re gorgeous.
• Don’t feel you need to be trendy…please. I know the latest trends can be a fun thing to try out but there is something a bit awkward about a ice gem cut or hip bowl when it really, really doesn’t suit you or you’re just not a teeny bopper TikTok star. Go for smart, sensible, and something you can easily sort with a comb and bit of gel in the morning. I’m sure you’ll look better wearing what feels good on you: there’s loads of good advice out there about hair cuts to make you look slimmer, taller, more chiselled and stronger!
• Grey hair is absolutely fine: no, really. I saw Hugh Grant recently and my God, still would. That being said, I think he’d look silly if he dyed his hair black or brown again: his face has aged, and that’s ok! We’re not going to be 25 forever. And unless you’re 25, finding a partner who looks 25 isn’t really a sexy thing. Please avoid hair dye unless it’s something you really, really want; it usually looks a bit off and your grey hairs aren’t something to be ashamed of. Would personally be a turn off.
• Avoid hair transplants if it’s not something you strongly want for you, yourself, and just you. They are extremely painful, expensive, and time consuming and they can often end up looking unnatural, uneven, and leave you with scars and strange uneven hair growth. It’s not worth doing it just to get a girlfriend- especially when women seriously don’t really mind. I know I’ve already said this but please, please don’t hurt yourself to look good for us.
• Beards and facial hair should be carefully considered; it’s definitely not true that everyone looks better with a beard! It can make you look older or unkempt. Experiment in the mirror with a brown/black eyeliner pencil before committing to a big change in your facial hair.

On The Issue Of Skin

• Please don’t buy expensive exfoliators or skin creams unless your qualified dermatologist expressly suggests it. My skin is the best it’s ever been since I stuck to washing it in water and avoiding cleansers and toners. Our skin is brilliant at self regulating and maintaining a good pH on its own: you’ll irritate it and inflame it stuffing gloop on it for no reason. Scrubbing your skin isn’t great for wrinkles either. A bit of SPF and a moisturiser with hyaluronic acid in it should do you fine.
• If you suffer from acne, talk to a dermatologist; you could have a bacterial infection or a hormonal imbalance. Please, please don’t worry about having acne for short spells or as a teenager; it’s something we all have at some point! I’d strongly suggest avoiding body washes and face cleansers that don’t seem to be helping: nothing is a more dead cert for me personally than getting a horrible outbreak that anything from the Simple skincare range.
• Make sure you’re shaving correctly; nothing is more attractive than a good, smart shave, but make sure you are using a shaving foam and cream that doesn’t irritate your skin and a sharp, clean razor. Redness, rashes, irritation and ingrown hairs are horrible and painful, so if shaving is making you look like a leper, maybe check what you’re using and consider splashing out on a good razor. Talk to your barber for tips.
• If you want to try make up: I personally have no objection to a bit of eyeliner and some CC cream. What’s CC cream? Tinted moisturiser: no one will know you’re wearing anything. I did a male friend’s make up recently- an investment banker in his forties- and he was so delighted at the glow up he wore it home. No one noticed. You don’t have to go full fake eyelashes and red lipstick: there’s a skill to a slight contour and a bit or eyebrow pencil.

On The Issue Of Weight, Height and Muscle

• It’s a myth that a man with a six pack is more attractive. No, really. Most of the time, you will have a shirt on and we will have no idea, anyway. Look at the men women actually rave about; they’re weird gawky hipsters, dinky little comedians and dad-bodded middle aged actors. Sure, The Rock is hot, but that’s more a personality thing if you ask women about it. A man is hot if he dresses well and holds himself with confidence and dignity. Really. If you want to go to the gym, amazing, but do it for you, and no one else. I’d say body type is probably the least important issue my friends had with dates.
• Height really isn’t such a big deal, either. Sure, it’s hot if he’s 6ft 5, I won’t pretend it isn’t, but unless you’re under 5ft 5 I really wouldn’t obsess over it. Many women are 5ft or even smaller. If it’s really upsetting you, there’s some very good heeled shoes for men now that can make you up to four inches taller; I’d have a look. Suits also make you look taller, as do a strong-shouldered jacket. But please don’t convince yourself a woman hates you just because you’re short: I’m a tallish lady and most of my partners have been smaller than me, especially in heels!
• Weight, unless it’s about your health, isn’t something to panic about. The man I’ve fancied the most, ever, was a fairly robust guy with some muscle but definitely a tummy and untoned arms and legs. Why? Because he was comfortable with himself, secure in his appearance, and totally convinced he was attractive. He had no problem with me seeing him in his boxers and there was never an attempt to suck in his stomach. So please don’t beat yourself up about being a bit chubby or a bit too lean: it really doesn’t bother someone who really likes you. Obsessing over it isn’t good for you and internalising insecurities over it will make it harder for you to be confident and happy in your own skin.

On The Issue Of Clothing

• There’s a huge range of context here; if you’re a plumber in rural Dorset, you probably don’t need to have a smart black suit for your dinner date at The Connaught and you might look a bit silly wearing one to Starbucks in Luton. But in general: clean clothes, a good iron, and a smart jacket will go far. Really.
• Please don’t wear trainers/sneakers/crocs as your standard day shoes. They’re great for the gym, dashing to the store, or lounging about the garden, but there’s something a bit indifferent about going to a date in slacks, a shirt and…trainers. Same goes for hoodies. Swap it for a jacket and some actual shoes, you’ll go up a few points for most women. It says ‘I’m an adult who can make an effort for you’.
• Take off your baseball cap. Even if you’re upset about your hairline. We want to see your lovely face. This is the biggest pet hate with my girl friends.
• Wear what brings you joy. You’re a death metal band lover who loves a leather trenchcoat? Awesome, wear it. You love a smart 1950s suit? Do it! You really like your Danger Mouse shirt? Cute. While it’s great to look smart, and make an effort, being your authentic self will help you find that goth princess, thrift store angel or comic book fanatic you’re looking for…not someone who secretly hates the real you.

On The Issue of Face Shape

• Ask yourself what you actually want before surgery or facial exercises. I’ll be honest: jaw exercises aren’t going to do much, sorry. Ditto ‘face gym’. They might help you recover from buccal surgery or weird braces, but your muscles and fat deposits aren’t going to radically change from a bit of wriggling your tongue. Similarly, you might look very odd if you get buccal fat removal or fillers if they don’t naturally fit into your face shape. I’d never get discount surgery: please love yourself enough to not look like a creepy Ken Doll.
• Remember your ethnicity is always beautiful, and who you are, not something to wipe off your face. A lot of men ask me about rhinoplasty and cheek or jaw surgery to look, let’s be real, more WASP. Remember that having a ‘white saxon’ nose might look very strange against your natural Arab, African or Chinese features (think Michael Jackson) and that having a really strong jaw if you’re naturally petite, slender and delicate looking is going to throw off your natural handsomeness. Big noses are sexy. Large lips are sexy. Dark skin is sexy. Afro/ Jewfro hair is sexy. Hooded eyes are sexy. Heavy brows are sexy. Ask yourself whether you find your ‘ugliness’ unattractive…or the racism you face over it. I promise you, you’re valuable and handsome as you are.