How to tell if a guy doesn’t fancy you (kthxbye)
Using relationship science!
You know when a guy just isn’t getting the message? You’ve tried everything from blanking to downright rejection and he’s still writing bad ukulele songs about you. Well, turns out we do the same thing. We too, ladies, can just not get the hint.
So I’ve got some quick tips on how to pick up on 'pls no' vibes. Some are more obvious than others, so bear with. If he scores 5+ out of ten, he’s definitely just not that into you babe.
- He ignores your messages.
- He takes ages to reply.
- He avoids getting a concrete date in the diary to see you.
- He only answers in short, unresponsive ways.
- He’s actually doing something on that day. And that day. And that one.
- He openly discusses his interest in other people in front of you.
- He didn’t get your email/text/DM that you definitely sent.
- He’s not ready for a relationship right now. (Alarm bells)
- He just doesn’t see you in that way. (He never will, sorry lovely)
- He won’t open up to you. At all. It’s all professional/civil.
What to do if you’ve just had the soul crushing realisation that he doesn’t like you and never will:
First of all, we’ve all been there. Helena Bonham Carter has been there. I’ve been there. Capuchin monkeys in Colchester Zoo have been there.
Don’t feel embarrassed. You can’t expect to go through life with everyone wanting to make you their Mrs. (Or Ms, if you’re funny about Mrs like my mother.)
You are in no way less important, less beautiful, or less loveable because random dude isn’t into you. I’ve had a model fancy me and a nerdy philosophy student tell me that he thought he could ‘do better’. Who fancies you is often a bit random and unpredictable. Don’t take it to heart.
Secondly, learn to accept it for what it is. He isn’t a monster for not liking you. It doesn’t make him shallow, mean or wrong. In the same way you aren’t evil for turning down a perfectly 'nice™’ guy, he’s entitled not to like you.
It sucks, and feel free to cry and write a hardcore novel about it, but ultimately you can’t change who someone loves. And sometimes, that just isn’t you. People will love you who you feel nothing for, and sometimes it will just happen to be the other way around. There’s nothing you can do. My advice? Strawberry ice cream, Netflix and a cat. Wait it out, like the flu.
Thirdly, this could actually be a good thing. I know you are probably wailing into a pillow right now and it won’t feel like it, but thank Aphrodite you know he doesn’t like you now and that he doesn’t love you, rather than ten years into a marriage. Thank goodness you can walk away without messing about with a painful divorce or a scantily clad secretary. Would you even be happy in a relationship where he didn’t text back, never wanted to see you and wouldn’t talk to you about his deeper feelings?
Me neither, babe.
So switch on a serial killer documentary and give Fluffy a cuddle.
