Madelainism: the long awaited guide to how to dress like me

All women are beautiful. Some of you just dress badly

My wardrobe is officially something of a talking point. Over my long 10 years as a legal adult, I have definitely cultivated what I would call ‘hyperfemme’ style that combines historical elements of fashion with maximalist, bright, and striking prints. If you don’t want to dress like me, don’t feel obliged to read on, beloved sister. We don’t do casual or toned down here. But this is my style guide, and I’m naturally convinced every woman looks her best in it. So if you’re sick of beige leggings and cream bodycon: let’s do this.

1. Work out if you’re longline or shortline

Forget apple, pear, classic, inverted triangle: this is the only one you need

Everyone is included here, from size 2 to 22. Forget all the confusing and weird ‘bodytypes’ you’ve learnt: this is the only rule that really matters. Where does your natural waist fall? I don’t mean where do your low rise jeans go up to; what is the smallest line around your middle? If you have a longer torso, you’ll be long line. If you have a shorter torso, you’ll be short line. I happen to be long line, but it’s fine to be either. Remember: you want to make sure all your dresses, skirts, and slacks follow or enhance this line and have a seam at this line.