Make Up for Morons (like myself)
Are you awful at make up and too lazy to watch tutorials all the way through? Do you stare at women with perfect highlighter on the tube and wonder how many millions they spend on their faces? Omg same. Here are my easy (and non-Chanel) make up and tips to looking…meh, fine.
The First Rule Of Make Up:
Don’t like looking like you are wearing a mask? WEAR A FOUNDATION THAT IS LIQUID AND A CONCEALER THAT IS SOLID.
Everyone’s skin is different, but we will all have the odd dark circle and blemish that needs a little more coverage. This does not mean covering your whole face in that £1.50 MUA cover-stick, unless impoverished strumpet is your aesthetic. If aren’t Courtney Love, and you can’t pull that off, just put a little bit of the heavy duty solid concealer in the yuck areas and put liquid foundation on the rest. You’ll look better for it. Trust me.
(Also wear a shade that matches your skin. Please.)
The Second Rule Of Make Up:
Don’t suit that latest eyebrow/eyelash/contour trend? YOU DON’T HAVE TO FOLLOW IT.
It sounds obvious, but make up is about enhancing and playing with your face, not desperately trying to look like someone else all the time. What looks good on you will look awful on someone else, and of course, the same is true vice versa. If you have small thin lips, wearing red bright kylie-style lipliner will look less great. If you have very dark skin, wearing an overly-pale, Kate Moss style foundation to look lighter will look…yeah. Having very thin pencil eyebrows will look terrible on the wrong face. Find out what works for you and worry less about being current. I have the wrong eyeshape for fake eyelashes. It’s cool. It’s fine. It’s fine. I’m fine.
The Third Rule Of Make Up:
Really bad at doing eyeliner but like wearing it? USE A FELT TIP OR CRAYON LINER.
So this is my favourite eyeliner from The BodyShop, but you can use whatever liner works for you. I’ve used expensive ones and cheap ones and the only difference I’ve really found is that the pigmentation (darkness) can be different. Have a make up wipe at hand and just draw from the tip to about half way across your eyelid. If it’s uneven, fill it in with a random black eyeshadow. It takes a while to get the hang of, but once you’ve got it, you’ve got it. MUCH easier than liquid eyeliner. That looks scary.
The Fourth Rule Of Make Up
Contouring isn’t looking natural with your face shape? SHADOW UNDER YOUR CHEEKS AND JAW, NOT ON THEM.
The illusion works by adding shadow and texture to your face. If I can fake a jaw line, so can you. Shadow under where your cheekbones are and under your jaw and chin, otherwise you’ll look like you have a beard and rather strange looking brown blush. If you don’t want to look like a pirate but want rosy cheeks, add a little pink blush on your apples (bit on the top of your cheek) after contouring. As for nose contouring, I’m still working on that. I’ll get back to you.
The Fifth Rule Of Make Up
Want your make up to last? IF YOU HAVE THE TIME, WAIT FOR IT TO SETTLE.
Yeah, I don’t have the time or money to think about this ‘baking’ stuff. Not that I completely get it anyway. If you need your make up perfect for a few hours, what I do is leave it on my face before blending it in for about five to ten minutes. It hardens a bit and the pigmentation stays for longer, particularly on blusher or contour cream. Can’t guarantee it will work for a swimming sesh though.
If you feel pretty, you’re make up is good enough. Have confidence in your own face and your own efforts. You aren’t made to please!