Marketing for Idiots: everything you need to know before marketing anything

If you make these mistakes, I warned you first

I’m tired of encountering zany trust-fund babies who have listened to one-too-many podcaster bros convince them that they can make £100m overnight and build a billion dollar empire by just ‘trusting the product’. Here’s the thing: I get marketing fatigue. I get it’s irritating to spend £50k a month on 5 people who aren’t making an obvious return. I’d be annoyed too. But, and this is important, this attitude does show me that you don’t really know what marketing is, how it works, or what to expect.

I’ll explain. Here’s how to get what you want out of marketing.

A good marketer will tell you about your product market: not just how to sell it

Make sure your products work first

You shouldn’t spend a red cent on getting any users before making sure your doughnuts are edible, your club doesn’t have rats, your lipstick doesn’t melt at room temperature, and your app doesn’t glitch. Why? Because you will become The Brand That Is Bad.

New users do not need two excuses to not buy your product, leave the queue, or click on something else. Even worse, any organic growth you’d have through telling their friends is immediately poisoned. It only ever takes one serious outrage or one viral joke to tank everything…