Meninism means men aren’t real men anymore

Thanks a lot, meninazis, writes Madelaine Hanson

“Please, Madelaine, I’m so cold,” my boyfriend says, wincing at the heavy snow. “I just want to put my top back on.” I turn, stunned. Is this how dystopian society has become?

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Why aren’t there real men anymore?

How am I supposed to respect a man who can’t stand -15c temperatures without clothing? And why is he asking my permission? Everyone knows a real man would whack me with his club and do whatever the hell he wanted. But oh no, society has to regress thanks to menimism. All around me, my friends are complaining that their boyfriends haven’t caught mammoths in weeks. Meninism has destroyed us.

Meninists have made men think it’s okay for them to do cushy office jobs instead of running around with spears hunting large endangered animals. Meninists have taught men how to use an ironing board or even hold a child without throwing it off a cliff. How am I supposed to respect that? One man even told me he liked reading. When I politely gave him a club made from a bone, he told me he was vegetarian. Enraged, I decided to find myself a real man.

But there aren’t any. They all have feelings now. One robust date confessed to me that it was important for him to have an impact on his children’s lives. When I woke up after passing out with shock, he told me that his career wasn’t everything that was important to him. What sort of man cares about his family? Absurd. Next they’ll be offering to help do the washing up or something. How defeminising.

Even worse, some men think they don’t have to suffer serious illness or mental health problems in silence. What’s all that about? In the good old days, you went out, you got gored by a sabre tooth tiger, and you died. And us women would be forced to marry again almost instantly to not starve to death. Wasn’t that great? Wasn’t that empowering and manly?

I think all women should just sulk and refuse to get married or pro create until this ridiculous defeminising of our role as shivering, helpless domestic maidens is restored back to the good old days of 5000BC. I mean sure, you could argue that challenging the traditional gender roles of society to meet that of modern technology thus creating a wider skill base was more intelligent, but isn’t being outraged better? Isn’t it more fun to complain about the improvement of life as another sex is actually offensive to you and your gender?

Let’s get back to basics and insist on a ridiculous standard of regressive gender roles for the sake of ego. You know it’s the right think to do.

This is a satirical response to the article ‘feminism means women aren’t women anymore’. If you are genuinely offended by this as real misandry I will assume sarcasm is not common in your mininarrative.

Written by

24 year old with an awful lot to say about everything. Opinions entirely my own. Usually. madelaine@madelainehanson.co.uk

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