Never marry a man who does these five things (or woman, if that’s your thing)

These marriages always end up as toxic as arsenic

When I was a kid, or admittedly twenty, I thought the perfect man to marry would howl for me outside of windows, be so in love with me that he’d kill for me, be wildly jealous and possessive, protective, who needed me just to feel joy, and couldn’t function without my affection and presence. You know, 19th century melodrama hero stuff. Lots of weeping over my grave with a rose and sword-fighting. Of course, in real life, I’d slam the window shut and go back to bed. Because that man sucks. That man is exhausting.

Here’s what you should be wary of, liebchens. In any partner: prospective husband or prospective wife!

1. He is completely unable to function without you

I don’t mean he feels his life is much better with you in it and he loves you very much. Or that he would struggle to keep the house tidy if you left him. I mean if he throws tantrums if you don’t reply to his texts straight away. If he threatens to kill himself if you talk about ending it. If he can’t get through a weekend with you away on a business trip without sulking or punishing you for leaving him. If he is too co-dependent on you to discuss his problems…