Over Sensitive? Here’s what we’re doing wrong

Anxiety hacks for my fellow anxious princesses

I found out from my shrink, recently, that most people don’t constantly analyse what the person we are interacting with is thinking and feeling. That, ladies, is apparently ‘mentalisation’. Most people are thinking about themselves: their wants, their feelings about that person, and their own boundaries and outcomes. And apparently, that isn’t extremely selfish.

Wait, why didn’t he reply to that text last week? Does he hate you?

For as long as I can remember, I was always taught to “think about how the other person is feeling” when I was stressed or miserable at how I was being treated. What I used to call emotional intelligence and empathy I now realise has made me extremely anxious, drained, exhausted, and lacking in my own sense of self and security. Whether you’re talking to me about your cat or ex wife’s abortion, I’m listening intently and watching for how you’re feeling, what you’re thinking, and how I can make you happy. I’m on red alert constantly. There is no off switch. I don’t exist in interactions. My own wants and needs aren’t even present. I am there to please. To make you feel…