Ten easy ways to make sure you never have a second date: man edition

Worried you might get a girlfriend? I can help

Many men, now more so perhaps than ever, are eager to protect their chastity and bachelor lifestyle at any costs. From ensuring they appear bitter and chauvinistic to working hard at becoming intensely dislikeable and reclusive, the modern man has an arsenal of ideas to keep the lustful gall of women at bay. But for those delicate manly creatures who have yet to thwart the seductive desires of the fairer sex, I have devised a list to help you.

1. Order for her without asking.

Showing any sensitivities for allergies of personal tastes will wrongly convince the maiden in question that you are a decent human being who desires a relationship. Instead, tut loudly about how “gross” modern women are, applaud your own fitness, and remark on how you could never bring yourself to sleep with a woman who had let her figure go. Add some vomiting sounds, and then order her a salad and tap water. You’re welcome.

2. Bitterly complain about your ex.

You wouldn’t want to give a woman the impression that you were a stable or loving partner who was invested in a new chapter! Instead, enter into a long, venomous monologue filled…