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The amusingly terrible world of ‘expensive’ London restaurants
You’re better off getting a £12 Lebanese halloumi wrap
Hello, and welcome to your average five star London restaurant. No one really knows why it is five star, as you’ll get better service and have a much better time at Ahmed’s Kebab Hut, but hey, it costs £360, so it has to be good. As a girl who endlessly finds herself in Darroze, The Ivy or a similarly dismal place in Kensington or Mayfair for a ‘working supper’ or ‘business lunch’, I am a proud connoisseur of awful smuggery. Honestly? Save your money. Here’s why I’m not a fan.
The menu is nearly always identical: or just wholly inedible
There will be five to seven options; one will be a steak, one will be sea bass, one will be sea bream, one will be chicken breast, one will be risotto, and one will be gnocchi. All of them will taste exactly the same as anything off the menu at Zizzi’s or Bella Italia, but inexplicably cost £59. Why does a fillet of chicken breast with mushroom sauce cost £59? Maybe the mushrooms went to boarding school. It’s always underwhelming and always predictable. Once you’ve had this experience more than five times, you’ll end up wishing the man had just taken you to LEON’s. At least then you could get some decent chips.
