The Conversation I Never Got To Have

What would your closure be, if you could have it?

When my ex-partner cheated on me behind my back and colluded with his new partner about how to best get rid of me with “minimal fallout”, I was suddenly left without answers. My mind raced to understand how my sweet, devoted, kind and loving boyfriend could have done this to me. We spoke every day- how? How did he wait for me to fall asleep after saying he loved me, knowing he would be going out on dates, searching for someone new? Why? Why did he sleep with someone else knowing it would crush me? And why no guilt? Was I a terrible person who deserved it?

I never got to ask those questions. He robbed me of my why, my when, my how, with a long list of lies and half truths. Maybe to protect himself. Maybe to protect me. Probably out of cowardice and an attempt to bury the uglier side of his identity. I get it. Confronting your worst flaws and failures is hard when you’ve always clung to your identity as a…