The Definitive Guide to Getting Over Your Ex

Put down the kleenex and step away from the ice cream

We all love lists. Here is a list. With pretty pictures.

  1. Remind yourself of every time he made you miserable. Now imagine he said that horrible thing in a Trump voice. He’s a hugeeee mistake. I know it. You know it.
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He’s a dick. He’s a dick. He’s a dick.

2. Throw away everything that reminds you of him. Flamboyantly. Let it go like a petri dish full of ebola.

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BE this woman. Let her spirit set you free.

3. Delete all of his messages, his texts, his emails. Do it. You make yourself dwelling in it.

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Be the strong, independent dalek you really are

4. Hang out with your friends. Grin over salads. Ahahaha. Aren’t you a goddess. Who doesn’t need a mortal human wanker bastard.

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Or chocolate. Chocolate is fine.

5. Flirt like hell and be a wild sexy vixen. A tambourine is a good accessory.

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Just don’t cry all night after you kiss him because he wasn’t Dave

6. Look amazing. Not to make him jealous. Just because you are amazing.

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Hold yourself with the poise of this iguana

7. Realise that you are the person who controls your life and destiny, and you were happy before, and will be again. He loved you once and that means you can and will be loved again. Don’t worry: this isn’t the end. Just the end of chapter Dave.

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Come on: was he REALLY your whole happiness?

Written by

24 year old with an awful lot to say about everything. Opinions entirely my own. Usually.

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