The one bit of ‘archaic’ dating advice I begrudgingly totally agree with

It’s okay guys, I’m not going to demand you wear a bonnet

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a phallic protrusion must be in want of a quick bonk. He does not, dear ladies, need to like you, admire you, respect you, have any intention of seeing you ever again, or even think you’re more attractive than his Aunt Agatha to do so. So I never engage in the act of bonking a man on a first date, even if I’m absolutely certain I want to see him again and was so overwhelmed with reciprocal lust that I was in a total state of bonk et mutuus.

Nothing will make you feel more vulnerable, more violated, or more used than being tricked into casual sex with a man you were hoping for a serious relationship with. If I have any advice to you, as a woman, it’s never bonk a man on a first date, ever, if you desire to abstain from fuckboys and cads. Not all men, but yes, all fuckboys, will say whatever and do whatever they need to get into your knickers for a nocturnal fumble.

For a lot of men, if not the vast majority, the ‘point’ of dating is to have sex

So hark and listen, good children, gather thyself to my knee, and I shall explain myself.

I’d love to live in a world where this wasn’t my advice, ladies.