The one thing about male sexuality that I find extremely distressing

I don’t like being a body to you; but I know you can’t help it

I have never found my friend’s crushes attractive. Ever. Not once. They pull up a selfie and sigh. ‘Isn’t he gorgeous?’ she sighs. I stare at a forgettably faced man sat on a forgettably grey sofa in a forgettably grey shirt. He looks like every man on the 8.03am Northern Line. ‘He’s ok I guess,’ I say, a little bemused. They ask to see the man I’m sexually attracted to; I pull up the best photo I can. I see only his gleaming eyes, his strong features, his confident smile. My friend pulls a face. ‘He’s average I suppose,’ she says, similarly bemused. ‘I’m glad we don’t like the same men!’. This happens over and over and over; women, overwhelmingly, fall for a man after talking to him for weeks, seeing him several times at societies or events, or working around him for a few months.

My male friends are completely different; universally, they immediately found a woman physically attractive, and wanted to fuck her. If they weren’t interested in fucking her on sight, they weren’t interested in pursuing anything at all. No immediate hard on? No potential. That simple. The idea of being attracted to anything else was a bit of a positive extra. Unnecessary. So much so that they couldn’t even understand why a woman would be sexually interested in a man she wasn’t immediately aroused by. It was insulting to suggest that a woman might need to get to know them first before being…