Top ten most hilariously bad things I’ve seen men put on dating profiles

All of these are real, but I’m not mean enough to screenshot

Madelaine Lucy Hanson
3 min readJul 16, 2024

Men complain, ad nauseum, about how hard it is for them on dating apps. Having seen their profiles myself, I completely agree. Having already mastered the up-the nostril triple chin selfie and the erotic thrills of holding a dead fish, they have now conquered new heights of ‘yikes no’ when it comes to protecting their chaste modesty from the wanton claws of the fairer sex. Shall we begin, dear most beloveds?

Seriously, what were you thinking would happen?

1. “(I’m convinced that…) most women are whores after money”

Coming in hot off the press, this is the most staggeringly stupid thing I can even think of putting on your dating profile. Well, in the top ten. Why would you say that? What? What were you hoping to achieve? Was there a single second, darling, where you considered whether women would like that? No? Ok.

2. “(I’m looking for…) a woman who is good with kids and doesn’t mind raising two great boys+girl and will help out on the school run!”

A nanny. You want a nanny. You want a free nanny. And reading between the lines, one who has a…

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Madelaine Lucy Hanson

28 year old British girl with an awful lot to say. Opinions entirely my own. Usually. Enquiries: madelaine@madelainehanson.co.uk