Want to be kind to your lovely ex? Block them

Or ignore them completely: they need to go

I felt awful when I ended my relationship a few years ago. He was so lovely, so loyal, and so clearly in love with me. But it had been over for years. We were close friends who kissed sometimes. There was no attraction, no desire, no romantic attachment. We barely called each other and I saw him a few times a month: we’d run out of things to say. I was busy with my job, he was busy with his. It was time to end it. I really liked him: as a friend.

We tried to be, at first. He wasn’t stalking me or being creepy: he was sweet, a bit needy, and sad. At first, I was relieved he’d still be around after so many years in my life. But he said something that made me realise I had to stop being selfish, and cut him out: I will always wait for you.

They won’t want it: but limerence is dangerous

And I didn’t want him to.

I wanted him to find someone else. Fall in love all over again. Be held, be kissed, he wanted. Have someone new to explore the planet with. Someone who really, really loved him in that way I just couldn’t. I wanted that for him, and if I stayed at all, even slightly, it would be the breadcrumb he’d need to be lonely and on his own in the hope I might come back.