Member-only story
Why your ex girlfriend doesn’t want you back: even when she clearly still has feelings for you
Don’t confuse emotions with good decision making
I was in an awkward situation a while ago: an ex had got in touch. He had been everything I ever wanted, but had burnt out in a ball of fire and red flags. I’d been sad for months afterwards, full of tears, denial, and quiet prayers to the stars for him to come back. But I’d rebuilt my life: I’d stayed busy, spent time with my friends, and quietly started dating someone else. This new guy was everything my ex wasn’t: gentle, quiet, kind, patient, and the opposite of intense. He wasn’t grabbing my waist on his speedboat and there weren’t any long, late night phone calls. He’d asked to kiss me, he took me to nice quiet restaurants, and he walked me back to the station. And I realised how much happier I was with him.
Sure, the passion I had with my ex was fun. Addictive. I had loved how intensely we felt about each other. We did wild crazy things and matched each other well with our energy and grandiose ambitions. We would laugh and dance and sing long into the night. But I didn’t trust him. I didn’t feel secure with him. I didn’t feel like I could trust him to be faithful, to want me, to stay with me. I never felt like I was enough. I didn’t feel like what he said matched what was…
