Worried about Trump’s ungood #WordBan? Don’t worry

I’ve got you covered, my millennial brethren

So as you rad and ubergroovy readers will know, Trump has been reading 1984 like a manual (if he can read) and his staff has decided to ban words from CDC research that are too ‘political’. Das ist nicht so gut, or, as we say in English; ‘fucking dystopian, you power-crazed Oompa Loompa.’

‘Fake News’? HA. Half a century late on that idea, you yuge bastard

This is terrifying because, as many of you delightful, intelligent people will know, once you start banning words, you start limiting the ways in which someone can communicate ideas. And then if I can’t communicate a concept, the concept becomes obsolete.

Imagine, brethren, that we are out hunting a mammoth (or a tofu salad, to be inclusive). If I can’t say to you “Tallulah, let’s go left at that massive cliff that we are heading towards at some speed!” then we might end up in a slightly squashed situation.

Language is important, kids. So are we doomed?

Nope. I actually think, as generations go, we are actually the best equipped to deal with this Muppet’s totalitarian word banning. Pour quoi? Well, what are we really, really good at doing, asides from supposedly eating $500,000’s worth of avocado toast? Each?

Making up words. (neologisms; new words). Yes, we have invented a language that leaves politicians being rude about our memes, insulting our academic terminology and sulking at our blogs. Why? Because they are totally lost by what is going on. This belongs to us. Our new ideas, our integration, our diversity, our experiences.

“What IS Toxic Masculinity? What IS Intersectional? What is Triggered? What is a PoC? Oh flipperty flip, these young folk of today are just too hip to the max.”

Grumpy 50 year old man called Gary (probably)

So what can we do to combat Newspeak?

Invent newspeak. Well, our own new speech (lexis). For everything that is banned, we whip out a new term that means the same thing. I propose fun, snide and deliberately annoying words that will enrage the republicans and far right. Here are my suggestions:

Science-based = Factacular

Vulnerable = Vulnrubular

Transgender= Gentransulent

Fetus= Clumpcell

Diversity= Panversity

Entitlement= Smugfestment

We could actually make this really fun, and insist on our own terminology for things that we find too ‘political’ (LMAO like science exists separately from human experience, vectors and error):

Trump= Thump

Republican= Glublican

Petri Dish= Plastic thing that is impossible to wash properly and shatters if you sneeze

Bring. It. On.

Written by

24 year old with an awful lot to say about everything. Opinions entirely my own. Usually. madelaine@madelainehanson.co.uk

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