You're fundamentally failing to understand what women were doing in that situation: they were still in love with an abusive man. That's why they keep going back to them and getting used. They don't want to be used and treated badly, they are desperate to get that attention and fake effort the man they loved used to give them. And; and I get this hurts to hear, but being boring, dull, zero-charisma men makes you much harder to love than being physically unattractive or unwealthy. Women fall in love with charm and personality, not whether someone holds open doors. It's nice, but it's just being nice. My best mate is nice to me, I'm not in love with her.